Monday, 10 July 2017

I Am Not Okay, But That's Okay....

21:14:00
Mental Illness is a minefield, you never quite know where to step as any move could potentially see it all blow up in your face, so we stay stood in the middle of the field calculating, searching, praying for a way to make it through it, desperately wishing that it would just disappear. You close your eyes and count back from ten, you open your eyes and oh wait, nope nothing has changed, you're still right in the centre of the minefield.

I sit here at my laptop at 2am on a Monday morning, after a particularly draining week and I wonder whether things will ever be 'okay', whatever 'okay' is or whether this constant feeling of emotional numbness will ever subside, the answer is, probably not. I don't know what to feel or how to feel and when I do feel, its always too much, an overpowering rush of emotion hitting me like a tidal wave that all too often disappears just as quickly as it arrived. In these moments I talk too fast, fumbling my words because my mouth can't quite keep up with the accelerated pace that my brain is moving at and then back to nothing, just the dull hum of numbness as though someone has placed an anaesthetic within my feelings.


"You're so strong" the words that I often hear when some harrowing or life altering event has occurred that leaves others reeling yet I manage to appear relatively un-phased but please, I beg of you, don't mistake my non-feeling for strength, because I promise you that I would trade anything in the world to feel something, anything for just a tiny flicker, something to take the edge off of the sea of numbness that I find myself floating upon. I am not strong, just numb. Obviously there are some that mistake my non-feeling for non-caring, a blatant lack of compassion on my part. "Do you care about anything or anyone but yourself?", of course I do, there is no question about that, I care; sometimes maybe too much. I just can't translate the fact that I care into feelings in the way that one would be expected to the majority of the time.

I, just like many before me and alongside me, long to feel 'normal'. That word, all of its connotations, what is 'normal'. I've come to find that normal is now a particularly subjective concept, varying from person to person, because funnily enough no single person is a carbon copy of another. Even those that look identical are certainly not identical on the inside. Yet we still pine after this ideology of being 'normal' feeling like everyone else or at least how we assume that everyone else is feeling.

Well, my darling readers, I have some breaking news for you and that is that 'normal' as we picture it, doesn't exist. Normality is entirely subjective, you will never feel exactly the same as another person because you are your own human, you feel things and view things in a way that no other person does, therefore you have your own normality.

I'll be completely honest with you in saying that I spent so long deciding whether or not to press the publish button on this post, in fact, it has taken me weeks to finally build up the nerve to share, however that being said, I decided that actually it's important that we have these discussions. Mental health is most definitely not a taboo topic, we need to raise awareness not only about the fact that mental health exists and is serious but also that mental illnesses deserve parity with physical illnesses/ailments. Just because you cannot see an illness doesn't mean that it doesn't have the power to be just as debilitating as a physical illness, so please I urge each and every one of you reading this to have a conversation, talk about mental health. Ask someone how they feel, text that friend that you know has been having a rough time, have a discussion about your own mental health with someone. It all starts with you, the more conversations we start, the more awareness we raise.

As always thank you so much for reading.

Until next time!

Beth xx









Saturday, 3 June 2017

Not Another Party Political Broadcast but Vote... Please!

16:51:00
This is a public service announcement, there are only 5 days left until the General Election...

Theresa May has apparently stolen Harry Potter's invisibility cloak, Jeremy Corbyn is running up and down the country like a socialist chicken, Paul Nuttall is trying to claw back any scrap of credibility (If it ever had any in the first place) that the new found annexation of the Conservative Party formerly know as UKIP had. Tim Farron is being, well, Tim Farron, lets be honest we still don't have a bloody clue who he is and Nicola Sturgeon is running around the highlands screaming for independence and pushing 'Indyref2' down the throats of anyone that will sit or stand still for long enough. In short, the entire general election campaign trail has been a bit of a shambles and lets be honest, nobody has a clue who to trust.


Saturday, 6 May 2017

Don't Call Me Psycho....

19:00:00
Am I crazy? Maybe a little, but that's okay, name me someone who isn't just a tiny bit crazy? a little "Crazy" is good in life....



Am I a psychopath? Not even in the slightest.


Friday, 27 January 2017

How Easy is it REALLY to Cheat on Your Partner?

20:51:00
With the ever changing forms of digital media and platforms available to us today, it has never been easier to meet and connect with people, you no longer need a computer to be able to access this online world, including online dating. Which begs the question, with the invention of apps such as POF and Tinder, how easy is it to cheat on your partner in the modern age? 

To try and find the answer to this question, I made my way over to my long lost friend Tinder and quickly adjusted my old profile, at which point I also wondered, how willing would people be knowingly help me cheat on my partner. With that in mind, I edited my profile to look like this...


Friday, 20 January 2017

Too Fat To Be In The Gym... Pardon Me?!

07:42:00
So, this morning at 4am I donned my favourite workout gear, grabbed some headphones, put on my Fitbit and headed to the gym, usually between 3am and 5am is the time where the gym is empty, so I thought I'd be free to workout as much as I liked, this morning I was wrong in that assumption.

Sunday, 11 December 2016

Can Someone Please Tag....

18:15:00
Yet again our Facebook timelines are being filled with ridiculously insulting and degrading photographs of people who don't "fit in" with societies norms, all in the name of what? Apparently, as per the usual excuse, it is yet again, "humour" however yet again, I find myself not finding this new trend at all funny, since when did it become funny to degrade other human beings.


Wednesday, 23 November 2016

We're All Going On A Pint Sized Holiday!

08:30:00
Okay, the title is a little bit of a white lie, we aren't going on a holiday, however, we are going to have a little bit of a break-up.

Don't Panic! It's only temporary until after Christmas, and I promise you that I will be back and better than ever in January.

It's just that over the past month or so things have gotten a little tough personally for me, and then after seeing the doctor yesterday morning, I was diagnosed with exhaustion and advised to take some time out of the things that I could easily put on a back burner. Now please don't take this as me saying that my blog and all of you aren't important to me, because honestly, one of the hardest choices that I've had to make is deciding to take time out from here, however right now, I need to think about my health, which means time out unfortunately.

I Am Not Okay, But That's Okay....

Not Another Party Political Broadcast but Vote... Please!

Don't Call Me Psycho....

How Easy is it REALLY to Cheat on Your Partner?

Too Fat To Be In The Gym... Pardon Me?!

Can Someone Please Tag....

We're All Going On A Pint Sized Holiday!